"Her heart just stopped," he said quietly. "In her sleep. She didn't suffer." Saying it hurt. It hurt, in a way he had never experienced before. His entire body hurt-- his blood in his veins and his muscles under his skin and his bones at his core. His throat closed up and he struggled to swallow. He was afraid to move. He wanted to ask Dirk to stay, to never go, to live there, because he knew he couldn't live in the house alone, even with Bec, but he knew Dirk had obligations, they lived far from his work and he was independent and he wouldn't be tied down. He was afraid to ask because he was afraid that those reasons would prevent Dirk from being able to say yes. He would want to, but wanting and needing were two very, very different things, and Dirk was smart and level-headed and maybe he'd stay for a while to let Jake adjust but he wouldn't stay forever.

Jade hadn't stayed forever.

All at once he sucked in a sharp breath and it forced itself right back out as a sob, and the backs of his hands were damp balled into fists around the legs of his flannel pajama pants. For the first time in his life, he was terrified and nervous and upset but he didn't feel sick, he just hurt. And he'd never wished for his stomach's betrayal before, but he supposed there was a first time for everything.