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It was a funny sort of hurt that came with Dirk finally returning the embrace. His fingers threaded into the blonde's wild mass of hair and he rocked them back and forth a bit, still shushing him. He didn't bother keeping his own eyes from leaking, but he at least wasn't sobbing outright.

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Knowing that he was most, if not all, of the cause of Dirk's anguish made Jake's shoulders shake as he tried to not sob along with him. His breath hitched anyway, but he was determined to stay mostly together for Dirk. He was the one hurting most, here, he needed some kind of lifeline to keep him afloat.

That didn't change the tears that streamed freely down Jake's tanned cheeks, though.

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Jake didn't want him to stop being Dirk Strider. Overbearing pain in the ass as he sometimes was, he was rather fond of him. His arms remained tightly around him and he slowly shushed him, stroking at his hair. He dared not turn his head and press his lips to the blonde's forehead like he sort of wanted to, but the thought occurred to him.

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The hand that wasn't embedded in Dirk's hair rubbed his back, putting enough pressure to be almost massage-like in its touch. He continued to make quiet shushing sounds.

"Dirk, God, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay, chap. I'm sorry."

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And Jake was all right with him not responding. He let Dirk cry, cradled him, and kept rubbing his back even after he relaxed and had gone quiet. He was worn out, himself, and leaned backward against a part of the building, rearranging himself and Dirk carefully so they could both be comfortable. His breath was still a little shaky, but his own tears had mostly dried.

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Jake didn't mind Dirk's intimate curling. He knew the Strider needed the comfort, and frankly, he wasn't opposed to it, either. They had always been close friends, even before the dating fiasco. So this was fine. Jake let his own eyes slide closed with his arms securely around Dirk, his chin tucked against his own collarbone so his head rested gently against the blonde's.

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Jake wasn't sure that his stasis was sleep. It was more a light dozing, a power-saving standby mode. It was hardly restful. So when a sound somewhere below them made his eyes open again, he looked Dirk over with a downward turn of his lips, not necessarily sad, but not entirely happy, either.

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Everything went really strangely still.

Jake's breath caught in his throat with a slight hitch, just from inhaling as quickly as he did, and his eyes went wide. He was ashamed to admit how fast his eyes went from just wide to stinging to welling up with tears. It hadn't really sunk in, that this wasn't okay anymore. That this was never going to happen again, consensually. That he was the reason for that, because he couldn't figure out how to say hey, you're suffocating me, give me some space sometimes, okay?.

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The moment he drew away like that, Jake felt like a rug had been pulled out from under him and he was falling backward until he abruptly hit the ground. A sob wrenched its way from his throat and he covered his eyes with his hands to no real avail, shoving his glasses above his fingers. He was such a jerk. He was so stupid. He had no right to be this upset--

"I'm sorry-- Dirk, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--" He couldn't quite form words beyond that, overwhelmed with sobs that he hadn't really known he needed to emit.

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"Stop telling me that!" He tried to be angry, and it only sort of worked. He moved his hands, letting his glasses drop back onto his face properly, even if he still couldn't really see. He looked at the glob of colors that currently represented Dirk Strider and swore, softly under his breath. "Don't tell me I've done nothing wrong, Strider. I've done-- everything wrong. Since the start of this. I've ignored you and I've pushed you away because I didn't know how to tell you I needed space, and now that I would bloody well kill to have your affection back it's too goddamn late, because I don't know how to do a damn thing without someone guiding me along." He took a moment to try and compose himself, breath after shuddering breath, only to dissolve into quieter sobs. "So just-- spare me."

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He misinterpreted it. Dirk was tired of arguing, and Jake kept arguing. Dirk was, by extension, tired of him. And who wouldn't be? Some bumbling buffoon of a creature with no real brain, forgetful of what was important, rude and ignorant, it was a wonder it hadn't happened sooner. He curled in on himself and put his hands back over his eyes, holding his breath to keep from breaking down all over again. Dirk was probably tired of that, too.

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He listened, even if he sort of hiccuped and stuttered for a while before he managed to breathe normally again, hands still pressed into his eyes. The pressure made his vision white out a bit, but that was okay.

"Sorry," he said quietly, and left it at that.

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Nothing was really making sense, and Jake wasn't sure it was going to start doing so anytime soon, so he just shifted a little.

"Do you want some space?" he asked, idly, determining whether he'd curl up and just sort of stop, right there on the building, or go elsewhere before he did.

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