"I know," he said, except he didn't really say it, because it warbled out of him as a sob, and he pulled away and slid backwards, fumbling to try and stand up. "I know, and that's why I don't want it," he couldn't fucking see. Dirk had taken his glasses, and his vision was blurred because he was crying, because he was a baby, and because he just couldn't fucking deal with anything right then. His grandmother was in the hospital-- she was all right, she was healthy, whole, safe, but she was still in the hospital, and the only other person that could even fucking stand him was probably rethinking his life, trying to figure out how to get out of being there. Out of being around him.

He didn't get far, taking about two steps backward before he covered his face with his hands-- he couldn't see, anyway --and sank back to the floor.

"I'm sorry, fuck, I'm so sorry."