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[shitknickers]

Or, more to the point, a post for sad threads because I have so horribly many of them.

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[shitknickers]

[He shook and tried to keep smiling, shaking his head and shoving at the tears on his face, willing them away.]

Just a bit of an upset, is all, I'll be right as rain in a jiffy.

[shitknickers]

[Dirk being worried-- Dirk caring, it was just fucking killing him. An ache like he hadn't felt in years burned its way up his throat and out his eyes and he lost his battle against sobbing, a horrible sound wrenching its way from him as he just folded forward as far as he could with his knees drawn up like they were, putting his face in his hands and his hands against his knees.]

[shitknickers]

[He shook his head-- just sort of shook, in general, really --and reached out blindly to try and find Dirk's hand.]

[shitknickers]

[He tumbled forward easily, dropping into Dirk's grasp like a damp sack of potatoes, and just stayed as he fell, tangled in a sort of awkward way and pouring his heart out in the form of painful wails. He wasn't overly loud, surprisingly, just loosing these awful long sounds only to hitch and try to refill his lungs with air to let out another. He was entirely beside himself with some sort of unknown grief.]

[shitknickers]

[He squirmed around on the floor, trying to bury himself in Dirk's arms and possibly never resurface. He hurt from the thought that they were better off without him, that he was just a nuisance. But here was Dirk, holding him and supporting him and trying to calm him down. So it couldn't be true, could it?]

[shitknickers]

[He wound down slowly, muttering periodic incoherent apologies as he regained the ability to breathe without immediately sobbing.]

I'm a mess, I'm sorry.

[shitknickers]

Dreaming-- is awful, Dirk, I hate it. I never want to sleep again...

[All this for a dream? Jake, you silly baby.]

[shitknickers]

It felt so real.

[shitknickers]

Everyone-- you all got wise, and realized how much of a nuisance I am, and-- [He hitches a little again.] I'm such a coward, Dirk I'm sorry.

[shitknickers]

[He was taking these funny little gasped breaths and swallowing them, like he was either trying to not start crying again or trying not to throw up. Either is possible, really.]

[shitknickers]

What have I done right since this all started? What haven't I screwed up somehow? [His voice has gotten weak, and he's just sort of listing forward into Dirk's arms. He's such a coward, he's so scared of losing them.]

[shitknickers]

Almost exclusively because your glasses bullied me into it...! Which was a shitty joke, by the way.

[shitknickers]

...You must have had a plan B.

[shitknickers]

[He looks incredulous.] Why would you put that much faith in me??

[shitknickers]

[He just. Looks so sad and lost and confused and how does he even, he can't deal with this. He huffs a sort of disgruntled sound and covers his face with his hands again.] God...

[shitknickers]

[He shakes his head.] You're always looking out for me.

[shitknickers]

Because I can't take care of myself, I suppose. [He's... quiet. And sort of despondent.]

[shitknickers]

In my most wishful of moments. [He's falling asleep, worn out from his fit.]

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[He hummed, softly, curling his fingers around the fabric of Dirk's shirt and idly pawing at him with his thumb.] Sometimes I wonder.

[shitknickers]

Hmmm. [It's a pleased sound, quiet, and he shifts a little.] I think I'm falling asleep on you, chap.

[shitknickers]

[He considers this for a while, then finally nods.]

[shitknickers]

[Once they're up, he looks up at Dirk and smiles, himself, standing on his toes to put their lips together.] ...thank you.

[shitknickers]

[Wow he's tired. He was sleeping and then he cried his face off for like fifteen minutes. So much tired. How does he even deal.]

[He leans into Dirk's embrace and slips his arm around the blonde's waist as he shuffles.]

[shitknickers]

[Jake blinks up at him.]

...Ah, do you want mine?

[shitknickers]

[Jake pretty much immediately goes in for cuddles.]