burning_smile | (no subject)

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Everything went really strangely still.

Jake's breath caught in his throat with a slight hitch, just from inhaling as quickly as he did, and his eyes went wide. He was ashamed to admit how fast his eyes went from just wide to stinging to welling up with tears. It hadn't really sunk in, that this wasn't okay anymore. That this was never going to happen again, consensually. That he was the reason for that, because he couldn't figure out how to say hey, you're suffocating me, give me some space sometimes, okay?.

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The moment he drew away like that, Jake felt like a rug had been pulled out from under him and he was falling backward until he abruptly hit the ground. A sob wrenched its way from his throat and he covered his eyes with his hands to no real avail, shoving his glasses above his fingers. He was such a jerk. He was so stupid. He had no right to be this upset--

"I'm sorry-- Dirk, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry--" He couldn't quite form words beyond that, overwhelmed with sobs that he hadn't really known he needed to emit.

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"Stop telling me that!" He tried to be angry, and it only sort of worked. He moved his hands, letting his glasses drop back onto his face properly, even if he still couldn't really see. He looked at the glob of colors that currently represented Dirk Strider and swore, softly under his breath. "Don't tell me I've done nothing wrong, Strider. I've done-- everything wrong. Since the start of this. I've ignored you and I've pushed you away because I didn't know how to tell you I needed space, and now that I would bloody well kill to have your affection back it's too goddamn late, because I don't know how to do a damn thing without someone guiding me along." He took a moment to try and compose himself, breath after shuddering breath, only to dissolve into quieter sobs. "So just-- spare me."

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He misinterpreted it. Dirk was tired of arguing, and Jake kept arguing. Dirk was, by extension, tired of him. And who wouldn't be? Some bumbling buffoon of a creature with no real brain, forgetful of what was important, rude and ignorant, it was a wonder it hadn't happened sooner. He curled in on himself and put his hands back over his eyes, holding his breath to keep from breaking down all over again. Dirk was probably tired of that, too.

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He listened, even if he sort of hiccuped and stuttered for a while before he managed to breathe normally again, hands still pressed into his eyes. The pressure made his vision white out a bit, but that was okay.

"Sorry," he said quietly, and left it at that.

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Nothing was really making sense, and Jake wasn't sure it was going to start doing so anytime soon, so he just shifted a little.

"Do you want some space?" he asked, idly, determining whether he'd curl up and just sort of stop, right there on the building, or go elsewhere before he did.

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Jake was hesitant to offer one, really, but he scooted closer to Dirk again anyway. He curled up, on his side somewhere near Dirk's abdomen, reaching forward and gently gathering a handful of his shirt to hold onto. He was quiet for a long time.

"Tell me to shove off if you want me to, then," he intoned.

Edited 2013-01-24 00:50 (UTC)

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He was still for a long time, oddly soothed by Dirk's hand on his hair. He bit his lip after a moment, realizing how unfair the whole thing was, but not really caring enough to stop. He shifted again, drawing himself closer and putting his arm fully around Dirk's middle, pressing his face into his side.

"I hope you'll be all right," he said quietly.

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It was an unexpected response, but he didn't mind, overall. In fact, he pressed his face into Dirk's collarbone and swarmed the smaller boy with his arms, settling a hand in his hair.

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If this was still allowed with Dirk having made the executive decision to break up, Jake supposed he was a little more okay with the set up. He didn't really know what he'd do if he weren't allowed to hug Dirk anymore. Feelings aside, Jake English was a hugger.

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Jake wouldn't have handled that terribly well, so he's pretty glad for this turnout. He's not taking it romantically, just laying there cradling his friend because they're both pretty in need of a hug after the shit they've put each other through. He closed his eyes over again, his head suddenly throbbing, and let himself drift off into something that might have resembled sleep.

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It took him a while, but Jake actually managed to pass right the hell out and sleep for a few hours, huddled there. When he woke up his glasses were smashed funny against his face and he sat up, stuttering blearily and reflexively pulling Dirk closer to him to preserve warmth.

"Didn't mean to nod off, there," he mumbled.

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