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[shitknickers]

This is a generic Jakepost to reply to. Because the meme post was all Jake and has some inconceivable amount of comments now so it doesn't like to load. Have at, my lovelies.

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[shitknickers]

He didn't really have much to say to that.

"...I don't know," he said softly, mirroring Dirk's earlier action of drawing his knees to his chest and hugging them.

[shitknickers]

A brief glimmer of hope came with that question. Maybe they could talk and be friends, still.

"...pardon?"

[shitknickers]

Jake had never been good at lying. So with the question in the air, he let his feet hang over the edge of the building again and ran a hand backward through his hair, sighing shakily and obviously a bit unsettled.

"...I suppose the best word for it would be terrifying?" he phrased it like a question, uncertainly. "I don't remember much of it, other than being frightened of Jane and an unhealthy amount of lollygagging that I wasn't really prepared for. The things I did and said..." He shook his head.

[shitknickers]

Jake laughed, and it was a bit of a humorless sound.

"I'd say that's a lie, chap, but then again it wasn't just the sugar manic glee that made you say those things."

[shitknickers]

"You always were the sensible one," Jake offered idly, coiling where he sat again. He felt awful, for a multitude of things, and he didn't know how to fix a damn one of them. So in turn, he just felt more awful. Welp.

[shitknickers]

"Which I suppose makes losing you to my folly mine," he said, and he hadn't fully meant to say it out loud.

[shitknickers]

Jake turned to look at him, startled, and realized his mistake too late. He swallowed.

"I hadn't meant for it to go the way it did," he said. "I was sure I didn't want to continue in our romantic efforts, but I hardly wanted to lose you to the degree I seem to have."

[shitknickers]

Something in Dirk's resignation hurt, and Jake didn't realize he was reaching out until his hand was on Dirk's shoulder.

"I'm no better," he managed, his voice thin and stretched over tightened vocal cords. His eyes were watering, so he was blinking far too often in order to keep them from betraying how completely not okay we was with all of this. "Neither of us are blameless, Dirk, we sucked at dating, but dammit, I don't want to lose you."

[shitknickers]

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you're one of four people I love more than life itself and have been friends with for most of my natural life?" His tone was high, incredulous. Their dating failures aside, Jake couldn't wrap his brain around how Dirk couldn't see himself in any kind of good light. "And I'm the one that messed up with us dating, Dirk, I should have said something instead of avoiding you like a coward."

[shitknickers]

"Shut--" Something like a sob tumbled out of his throat and he released Dirk's shoulder, only to reach out with both arms and forcibly grab the blonde in his arms, dragging him into an embrace.

"Shut up, Dirk, fuck."

[shitknickers]

He probably should have, but he didn't. Instead, his grip tightened around the Strider's shoulders, and he shook his head, trying to keep his breathing even.

"Dirk, stop, this is nonsense. We're both a mess, I miss you terribly, I can't let you isolate yourself like this when you weren't wrong."

[shitknickers]

The way Dirk slumped in his arms made Jake's entire person ache. He slid one arm so his hand was cradling the back of Dirk's head, his other wrapped around his shoulders still.

"Shh," he offered. "Dirk, we're all a mess. We've never been okay. None of us."

[shitknickers]

It was a funny sort of hurt that came with Dirk finally returning the embrace. His fingers threaded into the blonde's wild mass of hair and he rocked them back and forth a bit, still shushing him. He didn't bother keeping his own eyes from leaking, but he at least wasn't sobbing outright.